Trump Bans All Public Dance Performances

Trump Bans All Public Dance Performances

by Steven Weisz for The Dance Journal

In what has yet to be one of the boldest new initiatives, President Trump has put forth a set of executive orders banning all public dance performances. Following the lead of John Bel Edwards, the 56th Governor of Louisiana, in which the state banned dancing to stem the outbreak of the “China virus”, it was decided that this is the most effective way to combat the continual re-occurring outbreaks across the nation.

Trump taunted that dancing encourages people to interact closely with each other and disregard social distancing measures. By banning dancing, he has been advised by “the leading scientific experts”, the risk of the virus “will not only be reduced” but will definitely “go away”. He added dancing would soon be coming to an end anyway with his upcoming cuts to the National Arts Foundation as well as those being made to all arts and culture subsidies to the states.

The White House was quick to point out that dance tends to promote lewd and lascivious behavior, generates sexual excitement among America’s youth, promotes public nudity with flesh-baring costumes, causes misogyny by public leaders, inspires anti-government movements and protests, blurs gender normative lines confusing everyone, and is most likely the root cause of the notion that racism still exists in America today.

Trump added that spontaneous dancing is even banned in Sweden to this day as a means to prevent public disorder and riots. “If they can do it, we can do it better!” In Sweden, establishments that permit public dancing can lose their license, face steep fines, and even imprisonment. Under the new ban for dancing in the United States, anyone caught would be required to make a mandatory donation to the Trump campaign and be faced with a ten-year minimum sentence. A special task force in unmarked vehicles with plainclothes federal officers will be sent to all major cities to whisk any violators quietly away.

The White House made it clear that dancing was also part of a national conspiracy created by the Democrats and Biden, consorting with the Chinese, to undermine the very fabric of American democracy and to create fear among white women in the suburbs. “It started with all that dancing on Tik Tock” and “you see how we put an end to that”.

When questioned about Trump’s dancing to “Stand By Me” at the Palm Beach County Republican’s Lincoln Day fundraiser in March 2016, the White House responded with “no comment”.

The arts community has already threatened to counter these new regulations in the upcoming election with Dance In Ballots, stating “we can not be accused of voter fraud. You either have the moves or not.”

***For those with no sense of humor or who cannot read beyond headlines, this is satire“the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.”

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2 replies on “Trump Bans All Public Dance Performances”

  1. A fun and well-written piece. It is a shame that some people do not understand satire but these are the times. Who knows, maybe it will motivate them to go out and vote before it’s too late.

  2. Haha. Loved this piece. I am going to be sure to do my Dance In Ballot. Definitely safer than using the post office. Oh, I still plan on dancing so guess I will have to watch out for that unmarked van from Portland.

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